I always wonder, why is it that people choose to act normally? Why is it that in a classroom everyone sits and remains static in their sphere of space, when there are so many possibilities? I have wanted for once, for someone, anyone, to do something bizarre or unusual: to dance, sing, scream, or cry. It was really disappointing to find out that musicals did not exist in real life. There seems to be so much silence when there are so many things that could be said for any given situation, things that are relevant, expanding. My mom always says that everyone’s biggest secret is that they hate themselves, and in so many moments I believe that to be true. Instead of proliferating we endlessly edit themselves down to what could not be disputed -avoiding negation rather than pursuing queer dreams.
It seems that what everyone is striving for is not a closeness between ourselves and the world, but to acquire a symbolic meaning for ourselves based on a constantly shifting outside interpretation: compartmentalizing, labeling, comparing, measuring. We change ourselves, not to benefit personally, but to satisfy a need to be appreciated, to feel worthy, that we belong and are not abject aberrations of society.
On the flip side, when people judge others it always seems to be because of one thing that person said or did which causes a blanketed interpretation for their entire character. We shut someone off because of a topical association. We become closed off and distanced from potential beautiful connections that can arise from differences…
Andrea Fraser’s Class April 6, 2009